Huzzah!

Just sold a story.  Contracts not yet exchanged so details to follow, but a real-life sale of my stupid work will soon eventuate.  Who thought this day would ever come?

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333 Responses

  1. We did. We’ve always believed in you.

    Congratulations on finally finding a publisher with the intelligence to recognise quality writing.

    Huzzah!

  2. I owe it all to the Muse you sent me, Catty. She hangs next to Q’s old iMac to this day.

  3. Aw, that’s sweet of you to say Madam. But we all know who the real brains of the outfit is…. it’s you!

  4. Oh, dear. We might be in trouble.

  5. Hurrah! And congrats – we’ll have a party to celebrate. You wont be here of course but we’ll be thinking of you.

    • The bubbas can split my slice of cake.

  6. Woohoo! Nicely done, MM. Congrats! This is very exciting. And you thought I was teasing when I predicted you’d be up on the podium at the writers festival next year. You see?
    When do we get the juicy details? Is it a short story, novel, magazine, book, ebook, what?
    It is only a matter of time till you’ll have to surrender your hold on your deadbeats & write full-time.
    Mwah!
    What wonderful news to start the day.
    xxxx

  7. I always wanted to say, “I knew her before she was famous!”, and now I can. Thank you, Madam.

  8. Hehehe. There’s no talk of quitting day jobs as yet. One piece of flash fiction, only. That it has only taken me 10 years to achieve.,

  9. You’ll have to explain flash fiction to me. I thought it was when you were caught exposing yourself & when questioned by police, you neglect to tell them your real name & instead provide that of a former friend or neighbour.

  10. I always used the name and address of the skank that my first boyfriend ditched me for. It got to the point where the police greeted me by (her) name whenever they raided a party I was at. It amused me no end, thanks to her prestigious job as a PA to a high profile lawyer. Ah, happy days.

  11. Those were the days. Also, thank goodness people didn’t have a camera in their pockets like now.

  12. Amen to that.
    I’m so chuffed for you, MM. I woke up this morning & reached for my book & by happy association, my first thought was ‘Morgana is a paid AND published author!’
    It was a wonderful thought to start the day on.
    And even better to ruminate on it as I walked the dog along the esplanade at Nobby’s.
    If only we’d had Moar Rain, my life would be complete.
    5ml….pfft.

  13. You could have some of ours. We have plenty, and more on its way from Adelaide. I’ll rig up a hose, shall I?

  14. Oh, that blows about the storm. We had a thorough overnight pummeling. I thought it was meant to be MOAR down your way? Hopefully soon.

  15. Oh goodness, SA is copping a hiding, isn’t it?
    Yeah the rain looks like it’s heading for us but it runs out of puff battering Springbrook & Numinbah – and then it builds up again as it blows down the Tweed Valley towards Spanner.
    We missed out on the promised storms & rain this morning because it all blew out to sea before dawn.
    Stupid westerlies, we would’ve had so much more rain if the winds from SA hadn’t been intent on blowing their power grid all the way to New Zealand.

  16. My kids, of course said: “So if anyone wants to invade Australia, can they just blow up 7 or eight power stations and the entire country will be blacked out?”

    I replied, ‘We don’t have to worry about Un Zud, then. They don’t have that kind of technology.”

  17. Explosives aren’t required, all you need to do is hack the system or know where to dig with a backhoe. Think of the carnage every time Hellstra and Opt-arse lose the plot, the country can’t function without communications.
    Which reminds me, I was in Bunnings this morning & was sorely tempted to buy this 2m long Santa Blow-up Bulldozer for our front porch. How good would that be to wind up Wendy for the festive season, eh?
    https://www.bunnings.com.au/lytworx-21cm-inflatable-festive-santa-bulldozer_p4351974

  18. I’d opt for the ‘Santa Slid’ effect & pop it upside down out back on the verandah roof.

  19. Hehehe. With “20 super-bright LEDs” it will confuse the hell out of the local birds and other fauna.

    But you have to do it!

  20. I itch to do it but the Bloke does frown on this tit-for-tat being childish thing.
    Think of the fun you could have with it though.
    I could create the most fabulous installation if I went to town with only base levels of evil.
    I’d have to add a few clam shells and a pool pony to the carnage in case the subtlety of it is lost on her.

  21. I must be getting soft in my dotage. All I want to do is sit in the bucket. It looks so comfy!

  22. It did look comfy. If it was a couch I would have looked up the specs.

    I suppose it could be a couch if we lolled on it ….

  23. That’s funny, I thought about using the bucket as a reading chair, too.
    Speaking of such, you will be proud of me – I decided I could go no further without having at least some of my books out of boxes – I need to look upon them and fondle them fondly – so I hunted on gumtree & found a 6# tall pine book shelf for sale at Mudgeeraba. When I got there to view them, the owner had a coffee table to sell as well, which is perfect as we need one, now that we are in a house which has a media room as well as a living room – so Clive has just delivered the goods up here for us in his ute. For no charge. We gave him a bottle of Coopers as thanks.
    This is awesome, that’s saved me a trip to IKEA! and the Bloke from the pain of the flat pack assembly.
    The coffee table is solid timber, looks like it’s from the golden age of colonial inspired furniture in the 80s, that pre-dates crap made in China.
    Colour me happy. It’s got a few dings here and there but as I said to the Bloke, take a look at what our cats have done to the rest of our furniture over the last 30 years – no point buying something new for a small fortune when the damned animals are going to maul it and eat it.
    So now I’ll have something sturdy to rest my feet on while I’m hunkered down with a book in my comfy IKEA chair.

  24. Well, that’s a complete bonus. No assemblage means more lolling time. Huzzah!

  25. This is good news. If the Bloke had assembled a coffee table the way he assembles taps, you’d never get your feet onto it at all.

  26. That was the point that won him over, Catty. He’s ever so happy with the new coffee table for our media room, it’s a perfect fit and being as it’s a cave anyway, it’s so gloomy in there that nobody will ever notice the dings. He says he’s going to restore it but um, yeah. I’ll be making him stain the decking before he gets around to that.
    I’ve spent a good chunk of the day sorting out our DVDs and CDs. Which means alphabetising things and setting up a special section for Sci-fi and all my instrumental/blues music. I don’t know how I’d have coped without Pandora radio for the last 8 months, but gosh it’s lovely to have CDs again.
    The first thing I shoved into the machine was Van Morrison’s ‘wavelength’.
    That was one of my fave albums for driving through the hills of NNSW when I were a lass.
    Ah, now that took me back.

  27. Oh, it’s rustic and you live in the bush. I thought we all knew by now you never have to lift a finger if you just market a thing properly.

  28. I’ve got a little iPod speaker dock that I crank up on cooking days. It drives the Boss nuts, because I sing along at the top of my voice and he can’t hear the TV over my painful caterwauling. Poor love. But it used to be worse – before he bought the dock, I’d sing along with headphones in so there was no music to lessen the impact of my horrendous voice.

  29. Those ipod docks are fabulous.
    I need to squee.
    I went out early on the SUP this morning, it was flat as a tack out there, & I saw whales leaping out off the shore in front of the Vikings SLSC, and being high tide early, there were dolphins in the lagoon in the creek. One of them swam right under my board while he was chasing fish, in about a metre of water over what is normally Dog Island at low tide. (sand bank in the lagoon by the dog beach).
    Magic!

  30. Oh, dear whales. I haven’t even made it down to Tickle park to salute them this year. I’m glad you got to say G’dtay, Q. Give them my regards.

    Catty, you must sing to me in the song of your people. No really. Can I have some recordings to play at my neighbours who treated us to German Death Metal when we were trying to get the baby to sleep?

  31. I have found through painful experience that the best thing to play for maximum neighbour suffering is a loop cassette filled entirely with Meatloaf’s ‘2 out of 3 ain’t bad’. After 2 or 3 hours of that song, your neighbour will want to kill you. Or Meatloaf. Or anyone within striking distance, really.

    Huzzah to the whales! Isn’t Australia wonderful?

  32. Yes. I also enjoy our scaled brethren, and the much-maligned spiders.

  33. You’re welcome to all of mine…. and the Wildebeest. He’s been in the bathroom again, if the mess I just found in there is anything to go by.

  34. Damn. I assume this means we’re out of shaving cream, again.

  35. Tell me he hasn’t been Vajazzling! I need those rhinestones for a, umm, project.

  36. He hasn’t been vajazzling me. I can’t speak for others, of course.
    Catty?

  37. She can’t reply, she’s stuck to the piano.

  38. Blergh. This stupid glue stinks.

    I had a stupid letter from stupid Centrelink so I had to go to the stupid doctor and now I have to have a bunch more stupid pathology tests and I took the stupid letter from the stupid doctor down to stupid Centrelink and they said they don’t need it. 4 hours wasted, AND I still need the stupid pathology tests because they’ve stuffed up some of my stupid medication and there’s a possibility I may have stupid kidney stones. Feel free to replace the word ‘stupid’ with the profanity of your choice. I used them all, if that’s any help.

  39. Oh Catty. what a pain. Kidney stones would explain some appalling aches but surely they’d have spotted that sooner?
    Fingers crossed that all of this sorts itself out, and soon.
    Mwahs. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  40. Oh smurf, I have it on fairly good authority that kidney stone pain is some of the worst you can experience! Poor darling.

    Also, I hope you insisted that Centrelink copy the letter and give you a receipt number for it, so when they decide in a week’s time that unless they have it you’ll be cut off, you can quote your receipt number.

    It will be a great day when we win the Lotto and can take you away from all of that.

  41. The doctor said she doesn’t think I have kidney stones because they would have shown up in my last CT scan…. in 2012. I’ve just been down to the pathology lab to blow into a very futuristic whoopie cushion so they can test for stomach ulcers. I told them there’s erosion but no actual ulcer. They told me I’m not a medical professional so I should just shut up and blow. It was like talking to my ex.

  42. Yes, unfortunately only calcified kidney stones will show up on x-rays. You can get several types that are radiolucent. Also we don’t actually cover calendar reading at med school but 4 years is a long time in kidneys.

    Why is everyone else – except us and sometimes Greybeard – an idiot?! Why!!

  43. Poor Catty. I hope you feel better soon.
    I have another exam to study for so hugs, and…
    Mwah! xxxxx

  44. Break a leg, Q!

  45. Thanks MM. It’s just a little online one but we’ve got the biggies in 3 weeks so I’ve got lots of revision to do.

  46. I’m glad you have such a peaceful study environment, Q. You’ll ace it!

  47. I just came across this:
    http://metro.co.uk/2016/10/06/21-vegan-comfort-food-recipes-to-warm-you-up-this-autumn-6172542/
    Just in case you were still looking for dinner inspiration.

  48. Wow, that Ugandan peanut stew looks amazing! Thanks, Catty. Mwah! xo

  49. There was stew? I stopped looking when I saw the Sticky Date Pudding picture at the top.

  50. Studying…trying to ignore the temptation of links…telling myself it will all still be there proxima semana…

  51. It will. Study hard, my girl. We want A’s. A’s, I tell you!

  52. Hmm, not willing to push myself that hard, Catty.
    I’m choosing enjoying life over excelling at it, and it’s a much happier place to be.
    Hence I frittered away my morning on the creek & bathing the hound yesterday…that’ll cost me a 7 but I don’t care.
    We learned some saying in Spanish about he who lives life is the person who enjoys it – not that I can recall the exact wording, because I just didn’t study that hard.
    I’m trying to retrain my mind so that good enough is enough & perfection is in the can.
    Much better way to be. 🙂
    That said, a 6 would be nice because it means that I know it, but I’m not pushing myself for 7s, anymore.

  53. We always used to say more than a pass is a waste.

    I think that’s what we used to say. We smoked a lot of bucket bongs as we were saying that.

  54. Yeah, people do tend to pass out when they have a lot of bucket bongs.

  55. Sorry, where were we?

  56. You know what we need right now? A sandwich.

  57. Yeah! An M&M and Twistie sandwich!

  58. How long have these pickles been in the fridge? Oh, who cares! Pickles!

  59. Wanna watch Thunderbirds?

  60. I’m gonna put lipstick on the cat!

  61. Nail polish!

  62. I’m straight again now. As far as I can tell.

  63. Good. You can drive to pick up the pizzas.

  64. Mmm … pizza. I hope you got a Rocky Road one.

  65. Oh lordy would you look at that cat. I gotta get a picture of that to put on the internet…. why is she running away from us?

  66. Never mind that Catty. It’s all the people running away from her you need to worry about.

  67. Oh, Q. You know we have a family problem with growing herds/packs/stampedes/parliaments of creatures. Now I want to breed a skelecat!

  68. I don’t know whether to be delighted or horrified. It’s certainly not something I’d like to see sitting on my chest when I woke up.

  69. That came from a fabulous book called ‘why paint cats’ – which of course has long since gone, because someone borrowed it from me, having sworn on their mother’s kidneys that they’d bring it back.

  70. I never lend books. Now I give them away. There’s less disappointment that way.

  71. Never loan out your lawnmower or your husband. They always come back broken.

  72. Yeah I can’t blame that on the neighbours, I send them out that way.

  73. So if I get a puppy, then lend it to someone, will it come back housebroken?

    This might also save a lot of time with horses.

  74. And the Wildebeest.

  75. Catty we’ve been through this before. Nobody is silly enough to take him off our hands. I just wish he’d stop eating the kitty litter.

  76. I filled the kitty litter trays with Ratsak, but then his beard got stained blue.

  77. That explains the smudges on the sofa, and the odour.

  78. And the lively rats. We’re currently doing cane toad control by arrow without bow, so the balance favours archery for Xmas, it seems.

  79. Uh-huh. What could possibly go wrong?

  80. I think Greybeard’s written a paper on it, actually.

  81. No that was me and Spanner. Close though, it was Greybeard’s obituary.

  82. Ix-nay on the Ituary-obay.

  83. According to NBob, someone writes one of those for him every 100 years or so. A few of them have been on parchment, and at least one was carved in a big, triangular building. Sometimes I wonder how NBob knows this, but then I come to my senses and wonder about caek instead.

  84. Mmm … caek.

    TGP wants a loft bed and co-incidentally a friend wants to get rid of her daughter’s Seems perfect, right? So now I’m worried. What eldritch purpose could TGP put a loft bed to? Please note it has no bedknobs, so it’s not that.

  85. He probably just wants more space under there to fit in a couple of extra monsters. And maybe a clown.

  86. That’s ok then.

  87. Loft beds are wonderful for a couple of years. But it doesn’t take long until kids grow out of them and start banging their heads on the ceiling. We’ve just ditched ours. I don’t regret it, though. They thoroughly enjoyed them, and I didn’t mind making them once I’d worked out a simple method. To change the sheets, I’d lift the whole mattress off the bed, and lean it on its side and drape the clean sheets on, followed by the blanket and doona. Then I’d hoist it up to the railing, and slide it back onto the slats. The sheets and blankets tucked themselves in on the far side as the mattress slid into place. Then all I had to do was tuck in the bits I could reach. As for day-to-day bedmaking, well, I left that up to the kidlets. I.e, it didn’t get done. Once I’d made my peace with that, we had no problems at all.

  88. They’re a brilliant space saver, but only if you have high ceilings or if not, and you live with the Qld heat, AC.
    Hot air rises so given our climate, it’ll be unbearable to sleep in the bed for much of the year, meaning that’s further incentive to stay & kick you.

  89. Well, he has zero body fat and often opts for a doona in summer, so I’m not too worried about that, But yes, in Inala or somewhere with no sea breeze you’d possibly die.

    Catty, top tip I had been worried about that.

    We’ll give it a burl, since it’s free to good home. I might be able to use it as a dwarf-in wardrobe or something when he has a growth spurt.

    • I dunno, MM. On memory I think your ceilings were around the 2400mm mark & your shack may predate adequate insulation. My nieces were lean as rails & invariably I’d find the one in the top bunk lathered in sweat.
      We had to position the ceiling fan well away from head-lopping distance from the top of the bunk bed, too.

  90. Good gracious, we’re getting a dwarf now? Oh, well, I suppose…. as long as I don’t have to clean up after him. The Wildebeest is quite enough work already.

  91. I’ve wanted a dwarf ever since I saw the use I think it was Isabella of Spain put hers to in … well, it was probably a Peter Greenaway film.

    How about if I put Wildebeest wrangling into the dwarf’s contract?

  92. Sure, why not? As long as he doesn’t look like Gordon Ramsay, we should be fine.

  93. What are the chances of that happening again?

  94. Good gracious, don’t ask me to math this early in the day!

  95. Or, in my case, ever. Sorry for the breakfast Nope, too. There’s just been lots of spider news lately.

  96. Me neither, I had a disturbed night.
    Las mascotas refused to settle because the Bloke was out at an architect’s office Xmas party – they’re getting them out of the way early this year – yes yes ridiculous, I know. Anyway, he assured me he had a key & he wouldn’t disturb me when the taxi brought him home at 11.30+.
    My fault really. Next time I ask him if he has a key, I’ll ask him if he has a key to THIS house rather than the one to Toad Park.
    Meh.
    So I’m feeling rather fuddled, today.
    When did the Gordon Ramsay Little People scare plague start? I suppose it’s a natural outgrowth of the Evil Clown phenomenon but just the same, Halloween seems to be getting entirely out of hand this year.

  97. Tell me about it! I’ve agreed to go to a party, so now I have to have a costume. Since I’ve agreed to take TGP to Supernova, I needed one anyway. So instead of lounging about reading with no pants on I’m going to be sewing on Sunday.

    Urgh!

    Hope tonight you get more sleep, Q. You need it to study!

    Appro pro of las mascotas, my sister’s cat has bowel cancer and has to be put down. Should I send flowers, or will she think I’m being sarcastic? I feel awful for her, she loves el gato.

  98. Sewing, Shudder! Still, Supernova will be fabulous fun & good on you for raising a child that’s sufficiently nerdy to be enthused by such.
    And poor kitteh, and your sister. That’s awful.
    My animal lover friends send cards saying nice things about the cat whenever one of mine goes – it’s standard fare for the bereaved. Flowers might be overdoing it, but a nice card & some heartfelt sympathy can’t be construed as malice unless she’s batshit crazy, surely?

  99. Hehehe. Think carefully of your own sisters.

    Thanks, I’ll do the card.

  100. Poor kitteh. Bowel cancer isn’t fun. Sympathy all around.

    I never have to worry about costumes any more. What with the warty lumps that have popped up on my nose, and my penchant for black clothing, I really don’t have to do more than add a little bit too much eyeliner for a terrifyingly witchy effect. The crazed expression is just a bonus, really.

  101. That’s why I picked Lucrezia Borgia. I have Resting Murder Face.

  102. LOL! Also, I call bullshit on that. You’re too beautiful for anything other than making people love you. How about you go as Margaretha MacLeod (better known by her stage name, Mata Hari)? Her exotic dancer cover would make for a wonderful costume.

  103. Yes but think of the heels.
    At least killer clowns get loose pants & aren’t constrained by killer heels.

  104. The clown that just got his face smashed in Sydney had a stiletto. That’s almost a killer heel, isn’t it?

    • LOL. One got smashed? It was only a matter of time.

  105. Oh, you are too sweet. I’d go as Josephine Baker but I don’t really like bananananas.

    It’s an Assassin’s Creed thing. TGP is going to be Desmond, a member of the Assassin’s Creed. I am his target, Lucretzia Borgia. Also, empire-waist dresses are flattering.

  106. And if they’re long enough, nobody will notice that you’re wearing a comfortable pair of steel-capped army boots underneath your petticoats.

  107. Or ballet flats with poison spikes in the toes.

  108. Does it have pockets? You need somewhere to carry your belladonna, in case somebody wants a cuppa.

  109. I have ordered a poison ring from Ebay!

    But what if more than one crosses me? I might need a pouch, or some sort of manservant.

  110. That settles it. TGP can go as Igor.

  111. Why does he require any disguise at all, if the plan is to terrify people?

  112. Hehehe. He’s an Assassin. That’s how this all started.

    I should have told you, strangers have started giving him tributes. I was chatting to the cute boy at the Video Shop … you know, the one who meditated to stop himself watching illegal GoT downloads? Anyway, I made my selection and wandered out and he was in the carpark, rummaging through his car to find a Joker Christmas shirt to give TGP.

    I’m hoping we get gold, frankincense and myrrh for Christmas!

  113. There’s a Christmas episode of Top Gear where Jeremy, Richard and James travel to Jesus’ birthplace. They figured it would be a good idea to take the traditional tributes, but they couldn’t find all of them. So instead of gold, frankincense and myrrh, they took tributes of gold, frankincense and a Nintendo DS.

  114. I miss those maniacs.

  115. hehehehehehe. I haven’t seen that one. I miss them too.

  116. I haven’t had a chance to miss them. The Boss plays the DVD’s over and over again. *sigh* Still, it could be worse. He might remember where he left his Gilligan’s Island DVD’s.

  117. I don;t know what’s wrong with my brain, but I only had to read that to hear, “Now this is a tale of our castaways…” play in my mind.

    I think I might have Jingle Jukebox Syndrome.

  118. So did Gilligan, the Skipper too, the millionaire (and his wife), the movie star, the Professor, and Mary Anne.

  119. Here on Gilligan’s Isle!

    Smurf.

  120. Smurf? Oh noes! La la la-la la la, la la-la la laaaaaa!

    Gee thanks, Morgana.

  121. Down at Fraggle Rock!

  122. Oh I can go worse than that. In my efforts at procrastination, I found the pilot episode of the Beverly Hillbillies on youtube/apple tv.
    Do you think I could stop at one?
    Whah ah shaw coodernt, pah.

  123. Good grief! That is next-level procrastination.

  124. Welcome to the dark side. I’d offer you cookies, but I haven’t gotten around to making them yet.

  125. Here, have these floppy Monte Carlos. the filling is still nice.

  126. If you want cookies, feel free to take the ones that have over-run my safari. If I’m not careful, every google search diverts to a fecking advertisement, or to ‘maps’ – like I know how to follow one, hahahahaha very funny mr. cookie monster.
    My first point of order on Xmas holidays will be to find the little FKRS & napalm them.

  127. Get Ad Blocker. It’s totally excellent.

  128. Yeah I had that ages ago. Apparently it doesn’t work if you have multiple windows open.
    I’ll worry about a fix after exams – the twitter nerdenfolk will set me straight. This is why I throw sweet morsels at them from time to time – it reminds them they have motivation to be obliging & useful.

  129. After exams, try uninstalling it, deleting the (ad blocker) files and then re-installing it.

    You never know your luck!

    Also, happy studying.

  130. Try using Firefox, it’s much less temperamental than Safari. Also, check your add-ons (found under Tools in that bar across the top of the screen when your browser is open) and delete anything that you haven’t put there yourself.

  131. i love Google Chrome. Adore it! And the boys run it on their Mac-tops, works well on them too..

  132. Roger that and muchos gracias – Mwah!
    I’ve got chrome and safari, because I refuse to load Adobe Flash – so I need Chrome to keep the surf cams running. All day long.
    And no more sitting there at Toad Park pining for it when it’s looking utterly glorious, like it was this morning.

  133. It has been spectacular weather. I really don’t care if it’s mid-high 20s during the day if it plunges to crisp refreshing teens overnight. And the sky and water have been glorious!

    Did anyone see the full moon a couple of nights/dawns ago? It was huuuuuge, it was marvellous, it was the best moon eva. I wanted to grab it by the pussy.

  134. It would let you do it, too, because you’re a celebrity.

  135. That’s why I’m always crunching Tic Tacs.

  136. I read that and thought, “Oh, now I get it. The man in the moon is Donald Trump”.

    I need help.

  137. It does explain why it was so round and orange earlier in the week. I’m with you, Catty!

  138. I come here to destress & I leave with an image of Trump mooning the world.
    I want a phenergan smoothie so’s I can cope.

  139. Make mine a double!

  140. I’m in the mood to faceplant a caek, so count me in.

  141. What’s up pet? You can tell me and I will hug you until the sadz go away. Or the irrits. Or the scarys…. etc.

  142. Oh, there’s nothing actually wrong, I’m just cracking random sadz. It happens sometimes. I’m planning on writing poetry until it goes away. There’s some Facebook post about a poetry contest, so maybe I’ll see if my sadz can make me some dollarz.

    Yeah, no, who am I kidding? My poetry wouldn’t win a chook raffle.

  143. If you could actually get raffle tickets with poems I would write them all day. All poems have ever got me is occasionally laid.

  144. My poems are a wonderful way of eliciting ridicule, usually. I’m trying to find a topic for the competition that is too emotive to tickle anyone’s sneer muscle…. caek, perhaps?

  145. Anything you write about the joys of parenthood should be unassailable.

    That, or something about wildlife. Not Knockers shops, you know fauna and that other thing.

  146. I could write about bees. Hmmm… nah, I can’t think of anything that rhymes with it.

  147. japanese!

  148. It might work. Japanese is a variety of South American chilli, right?

  149. For all I know, totally.

  150. Good-oh. I can think of lots of rhymes for chilli.

  151. Silly!

  152. I totally loved your poem on Facebook. It was beautiful, and a timely reminder that my poems are only suited to country song lyrics. Thank you for saving me from public humiliation. Back in the bedside drawers, pitiful poetry!

  153. Oh cut it out. I sort of woke up with that one … and with TGP. I get poetry a few times a year. Perhaps it’s replaced periods in my life

    Your Tommy Emmanuel song is top notch. We need to squeeze you until some more of them come out. So we can say we knew you before you were a megastar. It was beautifully observed, that lyric. You might need to go to Knockers and perve on people a bit. If they wonder why, tell them I sent you and it’s for Art.

  154. Have you seen humanity lately? Any poem about that lot would be rife with profane expletives. Ugh.

  155. Then write one about how you could fix them!

  156. Can’t I just kick them all? With razor-embellished boots? Or blast them with a flame thrower? Or throw bricks at them?

    Oh, crap. Aunt Irma must be coming.

  157. Do you think so?

    Because that sounded better than Christmas, to me. I wanna rampage!

  158. Settle down there, Arlo. If you say “doc, I wanna kill” you’re likely to get drafted.

  159. Womble goblin tofu blob.
    Send help, my brain is full.

  160. Womble Goblin? That’s going to be my stripper name!

  161. I thought that was Donald Trump’s stripper name?

  162. I think he’s Oompa Oomywordhescompletelymad.

  163. Fair enough, seeing as Ian Flemming already took Pussy Galore.

  164. At least James Bond usually buys them a cocktail first.

  165. Cocktail… heh heh heh… “Once upon a time there was a really big cock….”

  166. Hehehe. Was his name Robin?

  167. Holy Toledo!

  168. My fave was, “Holy hole in a donut, Batman!”

  169. Mmmmm…. donut….

    Great. Now I’m hungry.

  170. We had those injectable ones for someone’s birthday in the office. Delicious iced donut and a syringe full of caramel.

    Hmm, do you think that’s got something to do with those 3 fillings I just had?

  171. Not sure. Were the fillings jam, custard and caramel? Did you inject them with a syringe? Damn that sounds good. I want to try it too.

  172. The one I had was caramel but there were some jam ones too. The other thing that looked terrific were the cronuts, but those who had them said they weren’t all that.

    Oh, and they filled the hole with Malteasers.

  173. The Boss keeps asking me to try that….

    TMI?

  174. Be careful. I knew some lesbians who did it with Guylian sea shells and the, umm… recipient was leaking chocolate for a week when one got stuck.

  175. Sheesh, of all people, you’d think that lesbians would know about Vodka douches.

  176. I never knew you could feel your own cervix snap shut in terror.

  177. Mine was scarred shut, once. It wasn’t a pleasant experience.

  178. I’m sure! How did that happen?

  179. LK was in too much of a hurry to get out of the womb. Significant tearing, and 12 months breastfeeding, left some rusted-in scars that required surgical intervention when Irma came back and couldn’t get out. Incidentally, that’s when I discovered I’d developed an intolerance to morphine. Ouch.

  180. My only issue with morphine is they won;t let me pick it up in bulk at Woolies.

    Oh good grief that must have hurt! Why are you having so many pelvic lessons, this life?

  181. It is unfair, isn’t it? My preference for this life would have been discovering for myself that money doesn’t buy happiness.

  182. I would like to know first-hand if it is possible to drown in gigolos.

  183. Interesting question. I guess it would depend on how much oil you’d rubbed into their nubile young bodies.

  184. And how far you inhale them.

  185. I will never admit to inhaling. It would look bad on my CV if I ever ran for public office.

  186. WHEN. You mean, WHEN you run for public office. Our lips are sealed, and our caches have been expunged.

  187. Lucky you. My cache hasn’t been expunged for days.

  188. Cache, cache, cache…I knew I’d been neglecting something.
    Here were are, Halloween almost upon us & me without my stockpile of guns.

  189. And marshmellow eyeballs. All the marshmellow eyes!

  190. I mislike all this halloween substitution. Marshmallow? Please. Like you’d get that gratifying stench of putrefaction when you hurl them by the bucket load at the approaching armies of the Undead.
    Stoopid Seppo holidays.
    Oh well. At least I’ve dodged one bullet – it’s MIL’s BD on halloween so the Bloke’s brother & his nephew are coming up to *celebrate* it. They asked to come & stay with us & thankfully he’s told them no, so they’ll be sharing the spare room at MIL’s.
    They made the mistake of asking him on the eve of a burning sore throat, which I’m amazed I didn’t contract – I saw that coming 3 days before exams began & thought ‘Oh no, I’m screwed, fer shore.’
    So three cheers that I dodged that infection & I’m not sitting here inhaling Vicks & swatting for a supp, which is how I imagined that one would play out.

    I do hope the Bloke pointed out to them that if the stated purpose for their visit is to spend more time with the olds, then logic dictates that’s where they should stay – not halfway up the M1 out of mobile reception range, with us.
    Yeah, nice try – No.
    I might need to drag out this ‘not fit for guests or non-feline habitation’ unfinished reno scenario until MIL either moves into a nursing home or a crypt at the cemetery. Or else perhaps I should just take a leaf out of MIL’s book & just be so fecking nasty to them all that they trip over themselves in their desperation NOT to stay with us.

    • Oh and because I know I sound mean, let’s bear in mind that when the Bloke asked his brother if he could go see them for a few days before Xmas, his brother said No, because he was worried his parents would follow him.
      So you’d think he’d understand that the same rule would applied if he & his family came & stayed here.
      *rolls eyes*

  191. It’s a shame you’re not on Facebook, they’re proposing covering brussel sprouts in chocolate to hand out to Trick or Treaters. Looks like your kind of recipe.

  192. Ugh. That is cruel by even my standards. Definitely one for Quokka’s unwanted guests! Hey, did you know brussels sprouts contain sulphur? They’re on my list of things not to eat if you have a sulphur allergy. All these years, I could have been saying “no thank you, I’m allergic”, instead of “no thank you, please step out of splatter range while I vomit at the mere thought. Also, don’t ever speak to me again”.

  193. That’s abominable, I’d be coating them with carob.

  194. Oh that really is wicked.

  195. I prefer the term ‘inspired’.

  196. Evil is to inspired as witch-craft is to book-binding.

  197. I don’t think I’ll need to carob-coat any greens, this weekend. We’re right on the perimeter of the suburb, it’s a Monday, and I think the Evil Clown Menace, coupled with the DW tragedy, has everyone so shaken that they’ll be going ‘screw this for a joke’.

  198. I’m glad, because I’d feel sorry for any utensil involved in that abomination.

  199. I just remembered I had choc-chip/pecan cookie dough in the freezer, ready to be sliced & baked. So I haz baked, and now I haz noms.
    Thank you David Lebovitz for making the world a better place.
    Humanity can’t be all bad if it produces so many fine folk striving to achieve the perfect bake, surely?

  200. Mmm … chocolate chips and pecans.

  201. They’re fabulous, the smell of chocolate chips & pecans & brown sugar goes all over the neighbourhood.
    I like to time my baking to coincide with Wendy Whiner’s arrival home from a rough day at her high school.
    Just in case she’s run out of things to whine about on the phone, it’s good to know she can grumble how the beeyatch next door doesn’t feed her any CWA quality home-baked cookies.
    I might do snickerdoodles for when she comes in from her dawn run tomorrow. The Bloke was out there when she came in & began a long & bitter diatribe on the vendettiveness of plovers.

  202. Omitted: *when she came in last Saturday am*

  203. Plovers: they’re in cahoots with me, you know.
    *winks & slinks away to eat cookies & summon up my Attack Penguins.

  204. Speaking of the CWA, have you filled in your forms yet? Meetings are the perfect use of off-University season.

  205. No, and thank you for the timely reminder 🙂
    They meet on the first Tuesday of every month so I’ll trot down there with my admission slips & the cash for the membership.
    That’ll be lovely.

  206. That does sound lovely. But I’m not jealous. I’ll be spending my Tuesday morning dressed in Spring Racing finery, sipping bubbles with Gran and MIL down at the nursing home. Gran always picks the Cup winner, so who knows? Maybe I will have a flutter this year.

  207. Woohoo, Catty!
    I keep forgetting about the Cup.
    It’s my favourite time of year to replace my socks & jocks, because Westfield is a ghost town when Flemington goes off.

  208. I hate shopping for smalls. There is no such thing as attractive, comfortable underwear. It’s either one, or the other. I occasionally give in to my inner idiot and buy the lacy ones, but I always regret it later when the Killer Wedgie attacks. *sigh*

  209. As I say to the lingerie sales girls, it’s cotton or canesten.

  210. If Cottontails are o.k by Toyah Wilcox, they’re o.k by me.

  211. Toyah Wilcox? That makes 4 of us then.

  212. 8, actually, if you count Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La-La and Po.

  213. Po.
    Another recipe book I’ll have to hunt out from the Elanora library

  214. The Noo-Noo is a Commando implement.

  215. Sucky Sucky Slurp.

  216. I wish the Noo Noo would come around here and tidy up.

  217. The kidlets are making bizarre videos to post on Youtube. I’m horrified to think what people on Youtube are going to think of the mess and filth in the background of those videos.

  218. Special effects?

  219. There’s an idea. I could set fire to it. Two birds, etc.

  220. You might want to read through those boring hose-holders insurance pamphlets thoroughly first.

    Or if you like, read mine. I never do.

  221. I want a hose-holder’s insurance policy that comes back with a money-back guarantee if it fails to keep the kids off my lawn.

  222. You need a Super-Soaker, Q. 3 times more satisfying than holding a hose, or your money back.

  223. If I was still at Toad Park I’d have an arsenal of them, and a crate of passion-pop on hand as a refuelling station.
    As things stand, I’m relishing the fact that this year we live in a suburb where nobody is waving any orange & black balloons, and nobody has dumped any halloween notes into our letter box.
    Somehow I can’t see our anaesthetist tenant in Brisbane encouraging that nonsense, either.

  224. Strange, I always assumed that anaesthetists thought everything was a gas?

  225. Well, anesthetists have their own ways of shutting down nonsense. Ask my sister!

  226. LOL you two.
    I did a lap of the block OMW home earlier & there’s only 2 houses bedecked with halloween gore. The rest are determined to ignore it.
    I’m with the herd on this one. Yay, Herd.

  227. You have a herd? Good-oh. I’ll send up the Wildebeest post-haste. Morgana can have the dwarf this week. I’ll keep the monkey around, though. He might come in handy to throw faeces at Trick or Treaters.

  228. Oh good. I’ve got some skirting boards he can dust.

  229. Since when do we have to dust skirting boards? I’m not even sure I have any.

  230. That’s because I put them to good use, Catty. They’re stoking the flames beneath our cauldron full of boiling oil.

  231. I don’t even know what they are for. Bumpers for vermin? To stop the floorboards springing up like in a cartoon?

  232. Interesting question. I looked it up, and Google says we have skirting boards because plasterers are lazy buggers who would rather use a strip of wood to hide the messy edge of a plaster board wall than to actually do the job properly with a neat finish. I haven’t known many plasterers, but that still sounds about right.

  233. That’s awesome news! If I can find a motivated plasterer I can do away with them and get the dwarf back to the strip club where he belongs.

  234. I always thought tradies put them there so that you’ve got an extra kilometre of dusting to do every week, but apparently it’s 1. to discourage vermin & 2. it acts as a kickboard to deflect the violent assaults of brooms, mops, boots, children’s battery propelled toys, cats fleeing attack cucumbers, and anything else that skids across the floor at pace. the boards being timber & thus harder than plaster, which is easily smacked around.
    And yes, 3. it provides a tidy edge which hides the ugly bits that you see around the edge of a lot of floating floors.
    That and floors often aren’t level to begin with, so getting sheets of plaster and timber to sit squarely on the floor is impossible anyway.
    Remember me bitching that our house – which is <5 years old – was over 15mm out of whack when we bought it, and which is why they had to flood it with goo to make it level before they could put the spotted gum boards down.
    So the dwarf stays. He's the only one here shorter than me & I'm smurfed if I'll dust the fecking things.

  235. Well if they are necessary, I’m going to make my next set dark grey.

    Actually, a dark grey house would probably be quite soothing, and show off all my tribal masks and weapons to great effect.

  236. The latest trend is to have the skirting boards in a different colour than the walls. Presumably one that’s complimentary. They’ve got to be done in gloss so it’s pretty much impossible to get gloss to look like it’s the same colour as the matt finish on the walls anyway, which is how the Bloke won the battle of the skirting board colours earlier in the year.
    We’ve got beige walls & white gloss skirting boards & as he put it ‘White gloss turns yellow over time anyway.’

  237. Or grey, if you live in the Cabana of Black Sand and Chaos.

    Q, this is your CWA reminder service – have you put in your forms yet?

  238. Oh, that reminds me, I do actually have skirting boards! Your complimentary colour trend jogged my memory. When we bought this house, the vendors hadn’t done any maintenance – ever – so they held a drunken working bee to get the house ready for sale. They painted all of the window frames and skirting boards in a pasty green…. well, not ‘all’, because they ran out of paint halfway through the living room. So when we moved in, half of the house has mossy (and messy) skirting boards, and the rest of the house has sloppy-whitewash-undercoating skirting boards. And now I remember why we went to so much effort to hide the bloody things. Yes, I know we should have painted them properly ourselves, but 1 – paint is expensive, and 2 – lazy. Waaaaaay 2 lazy.

  239. Oh god yes. Someone else can paint.
    And yes, I spoke to the CWA mogul yesterday & they don’t have a meeting today because the meeting hall (aka Pony Club) is over-run with drunken gamblers. So I’ll be going to the December meeting, followed by luncheon at the local golf club, next month. They told me not to worry as membership is paid in 6, 12 or 18 month lots – so I’ll become a financial member on January 1.
    Meanwhile I’m planning what to make for the Tally school bake stall in a fortnight’s time. I had an email from the head of the P&C saying that CWA coven style cakes are very welcome there, so yay for Tally.
    That’ll keep me out of mischief for a while.

  240. I would drink paint rather than apply it to walls. No wonder painters drink(alcohol).

    Huzzah! Nice work, Q. Make a marble cake, they look so lovely.

  241. Maybe I should test those out with my fairy cake recipe – I love marble cake but the last few I’ve made have been a bit heavy & dry. Although it may work better in the new kitchen. It’s worth a shot.
    I was thinking I might make snickerdoodles, because they are a bit different & they are so GD more-ish.
    I can prepare the dough, freeze it, and then cook them up in bulk the day before the fete.
    I’d imagine that things you can stack or toss into a carton would be useful because of the limits on storage space.

  242. Mmm … snickerdoodle.

    Yes, or slices I guess. Not at all fiddly.

  243. Slices. Soooo stackable. I assume that there’ll be little people helping at the stall & since they do tend to drop things, it’s best that the sales items bounce.

  244. I’ll make some of my bread rolls then, shall I? They bounce well. Actually, I won’t need to make any, as I think my last batch is still outside – the Boss used them as garden edging.

  245. heheheheheheheh.

  246. Oooh, can you bake me a side path, Catty? I’m thinking Yellow Brick Road, as a theme.

  247. That sounds beautiful, Morgana. The dwarf will love it!

  248. I think there’s some Munchkin Union that will keep him away, but that doesn’t matter. He’ll be busy with those skirts through Advent.

  249. Tell him to watch out for the Lent-Hills.

  250. Vivian: “What’s this then?”
    Neil: “It’s lentil surprise”.
    Vivian: “There’s no lentils in this!”
    Neil: “Surprise!”

  251. No more lentil surprise for us. Gigantor’s renounced his vegetarianism.

    TGP: “So does this mean, no more eggs for dinner when you can’t be bothered making a decent plate of food?”
    Me: “Well, you know what’s for dinner now don’t you?”
    Gigantor: “A big feed of eggs!”

  252. Heh heh heh…. so you succeeded in luring him to the Bacon Side. Well done, that woman!

  253. It’s very hard to be an ethical vegetarian if you really, really, really like meat.
    I don’t like meat, (well aside from bacon – and I can tolerate and occasionally enjoy chicken) so it wasn’t hard to give it up when I was his age and stick with the program.
    I suppose I’m what you’d call an unethical vegetarian.
    Oink, and pass the bacon McMuffins, please.

  254. Here, have mine. The monkey hasn’t licked it much.

  255. Well that’s OK then. Usually he wipes his arse with it.

  256. I wish I could take credit but I was honouring his choices and not cooking bacon.

    Mmm, bacon. Lock up the monkey, I’m frying up half a pig.

  257. Forget limes and coconuts. SING! You put the pig in the hangi pit and wrap it all up, You put the pig in the hangi pit and wrap it all up….

  258. Mmmm…will it be ready for lunch, Catty?

  259. No, but the Trick or Treaters I lured in there on Monday should be nice and tender by now.

  260. I wish I could contribute, but the adolescents bearing cartons of eggs & toilet paper didn’t make it past the tradie who’s truck they were eyeing off up the road at number 10.
    Next year, maybe.

  261. I said doctor! is there no pill I can take … no, not statins. I’m thinking more something scheduled, to take the edge off.

  262. No Valium here, sorry. They disappeared about the same time the Dwarf took of to your place. Check his suitcase.

  263. I think he shelved them.

  264. Don’t be silly. He’s too short to reach shelves.

  265. Shelves…that reminds me, what’s happening with your story, MM? Have you got the contract signed in blood, sweat & tears yet? And when does it get published?

  266. Yes, I’ve even spent the money. It’s going up at Great Jones Street on Medium (the Netflix of short stories). When I do not yet know.

  267. Huzzah!

  268. Woohoo!! What does a published author spend money on? Bunnies & snort?

  269. Xmas presents and parts of TGP’s Supanova costume, from memory.

  270. Oh well, weapons & halloween costumes have to come from somewhere. The next story can provide your antique oak escritoire.

  271. The stupid dog when only chew the legs. I’m, best sticking with this officeworks number I scored from a roadside.

  272. And this is why I bought our media room coffee table off gum-tree – it’s circa 1983 Early Settler, built like a brick shithouse, and it comes pre-scratched, which will save the makittehs the effort of trashing it themselves.
    Ah, the serenity. I’ve had currawong song to serenade me during my afternoon of fete baking (done) and now I’m listening to ecstatic children across the road – they’ve come home hot from school to find that Madame Wax has bought them a slip & slide. It’s out on the footpath & they are having the most glorious time with it.
    It’s still such an alien & unexpected thing, to have happy children in the neighbourhood. I keep expecting Mrs. D&C to burst into one of her rages of ‘LET ME IN!’ on her daily routine of getting locked out of the house by her renegade children. And for them to start bellowing & smashing things, by way of response.
    Ah, bliss.

  273. That’s freaky. The Drunken Slut’s next-door’s kids went through a phase of locking each other out after school.

    It must be a dysfunctional thing.

  274. MIL put a slide bolt on her pantry when the boys were teenagers, so the Boss used to shove her into the pantry and lock her in. When the kidlets heard this, they were highly amused and still look for every opportunity to do the same thing to her. They think I’m a dreadful piker for letting her out when she screams.

  275. I think they’d unbung the cider barrel & have a good swill while she raged on the porch.

  276. Mmm … cider.

  277. Scary stuff. Pass it over!

  278. I want to brew cider. I will call it Spider Cider. The tagline will be “Get some Spider Cider Inside Her!”

  279. There’s a drink called a Spider Bite. It’s half/half beer and cider, with a dash of raspberry cordial. I’ve seen my brother (who can down a whole bottle of scotch in an evening) utterly trashed on just three Spider Bites. I’ve never seen him have more than four, because he usually passes out by then. It was a complete mystery why they are so potent, but we were all delighted to find a way to get rat-arsed on a budget. Especially me – I’ve never managed to drink a whole one.

    It’s got me thinking – is it possible to market this drink premixed, or is the drink only potent for a short time after mixing? If so, is there a container that can keep the components separate but then mix them as the container is opened? Oh, if only I had done business studies, chemistry, engineering and food technology in senior year! Oh, if only I had done senior year!

  280. I like the drinks they have on sci-fi movies, where you toss a small cube into a collins glass, hit it with a laser beam, and it turns into bourbon on the rocks.

  281. I like the drinks that muscular, young, shirtless men bring me as I recline in my comfy lounger by the pool.

  282. I like any drink I can drink in my recliner, and then have someone else wash up the cup.

  283. And now you know why I had children. When they leave home I’m switching to disposable plates and cups.

  284. Oooh, remind me to do that too.

  285. Don’t forget to switch to disposable plates and cups when your kids move out. Oh…. you meant remind you then…. sorry.

  286. I might take a Lotto ticket this week. We need our commune soon, while we can still sign legal documents.

  287. Did you see that punter in WA who accidentally put a $10 Melbourne Cup bet on the first 4 in order instead of the boxed bet he’d intended, and ended up winning $240K? That’s the sort of happy accident I’d like to have…. if I bet on the horses. Maybe I should start?

  288. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

    Gambling is a big waste of money. We need to brain our way out of financial crisis.

  289. Agreed. A scratchie or two a year, or the occasional raffle ticket at a school fete, is about as gambly as I get. I’d love to find some way of making money from home that pays more than 35¢ an hour and doesn’t involve illegal activity. The big problem is almost every scheme or business idea requires fiscal input at startup, and I’m not exactly solvent these days. Every spare cent I find under the sofa cushion goes on my chocolate addiction.

  290. What’s your favourite flavour? Just, you know, hypothetically.

  291. Good gracious! There are too many to list. It’s easier to tell you what I don’t like. I.e, chocolate with actual fruit in it. Even then there are exceptions, such as those incredibly yummy organic chocolate coated blueberries that Quokka found – they were amaaaaaazing. Another exception is strawberry cream, but I suppose that doesn’t technically count as fruit. I’m a big fan of chocolate with nuts in it. If I ever meet the tosswad who discontinued the Darrell Lea walnut logs, I fully intend to rip his tongue out. It may sound sexist, but I’m convinced it was a man. Surely no woman could have committed such a heinous act. Actually, I think their decision to discontinue strawberry creams, to stop onselling the rejects (Sweet Slips) and to change the chocolate recipe were all also heinous acts committed by some idiot man who doesn’t have a clue about PMS, PND, or relationship breakups.

    What about you, Madam? What’s your favourite?

  292. Actually, I’m steering away from most of Cadbury these days, they are a little too sweet. Although I still don’t like dark. Just higher calibre milk. Probably those Danish – are they Danish – elephant ones? Bouchee something foreign.

    Or maybe Toblerone. Or most of the Lindt blocks….

    mmm … chocolate. We’ll have a day in Haigh’s when I bring the kids down next year.

  293. Or the Chocolate Box! They had mango chocolate penguins last time I was there. Mmmm…. penguin…

  294. That was the little chocolate boutique? Those macadamias from there were outstanding.

    Gigantor’s just announced he doesn’t want to come. It’s wrong that I’m excited to come alone isn’t it?

  295. Nope. Not even remotely wrong. You’re a good mum, restricting his exposure to your weird friends. Our weird is contagious, you know.

  296. Hehehe. So wasn’t he exposed in the womb?

  297. You have a point. This morning I cleaned out my ear and complained “Ugh, that’s unpleasant”. LK chimed up, “What, like broccoli?” Yes, LK. I have unpleasant broccoli growing in my ears. Weird.

  298. Broccoli is the queen of the veges! Hang on though, – is your earwax green?

  299. Smurf, that reminds me that I forgot to get the vet to clean Mr. Kitteh’s ears while we were down there for his mental health check. They get into the deep forbidden craters where I dare not go. Oh well.
    They asked about the guinea pigs & also about Wendy Whiner’s dog & for some reason they all wound up holding their sides giggling when I reported in on recent developments and what terrible human beings we are – and I am shocked, I tell you, shocked, that they have not yet seen the face book page & the petition circulating to have us tarred and feathered and removed from the neighbourhood. And that I’m sure the Mayor of the street will want to speak firmly to them about that, as he’s taken up Wendy’s cause.
    I said that she’d tried to make the Bloke swear to her that we would never ever again complain to her about anything, and that he’d said ‘Yeah sure no worries,’ and he hung up & ran off giggling – and that it was a good thing she hadn’t said that to me, as my response would’ve been ‘Was that in your wedding vows? We wondered what went wrong.’
    Wendy & The Mayor are clients of theirs so I do hope the vet staff can keep a straight face the next time they take their animals in there & there’s not some awful guffaw when the vet nurse says ‘Doctor, it’s The Mayor!’

  300. Major of the street sounds like a lot of paperwork … but can I apply for Executioner of mine?

    • Yes, and I’m happy to offer character references if Elf Boy would like to do a locum as executioner in mine.

  301. Ooooh, I didn’t hear about the Facebook page! Links please, I want to see that. I promise solemnly not to troll them…. much….

    What, these crossed fingers behind my back? That’s just my arthritis.

    • From the way she carries on I think there’s a community push backed by Stockland, her lawyer, the local police, the council, and the school P&C websites.
      All of whom are in full agreement that it’s utterly unreasonable for us to have asked her to keep her dog quiet. And then to refuse to swear an oath not to make other utterly unreasonable requests.
      The nerve!

  302. By the crooking of my thumbs …

  303. “I am not a crook!”

  304. Thumbs up!

  305. What a good boy am I!

  306. What movie are we in now? You know I fall asleep in the opening credits of everything I see on the telly, right?

  307. Catty was Richard Nixon. I don’t think those Watergate tapes that proved him corrupt had an actual title. Did they, Tricky Catty?

  308. I’m a bit slow today anyway. I’d blame the humidity waking me up every two hours (despite the AC) but I think it’s just The Stoopid from running out of Brainz.

  309. Mmm …. braaaaaaainnnnnz.

    Well, you brained very hard all semester, Q. Have a little rest.

  310. A medically induced rest. I.e, self-medicated. Here, have a Vodka/valium slushie. And some fudge. I just finished making a batch of chocolate fudge to give Mayhem (delayed birthday gift) when I see her tomorrow in the city. She’s like me – we both prefer the crunchy school féte chocolate fudge to the O.K Annie variety …. smooth caramel…..

    Sorry. I may have had too much sugar.

  311. Give Mayhem a hug from me!

  312. I’ll give her more than that from you. Remember the book chook? I haven’t seen Mayhem since before you were here, so I’ll be giving her that as well.

  313. What is a book chook, and is it something you can take down the fallout shelter when el presidenté lobs nuclear missiles at China & North Korea tomorrow?

  314. It’s a little chook beanbag you sit on your book to keep the pages open. Mine lives in the kitchen so I can keep recipe books open and flat. Morgana gave me one for Mayhem, and I can finally pass it on. Yay!

    President Trump wouldn’t mess with little Kimmy, or the People’s Republic of Cheap crap. But Japan might. They pretty much rely on the threat of America’s gung-ho military tactics to keep NK and China at bay, so they’d almost certainly start stockpiling nukes as a backup contingency. It’s a moot point, anyway. There’s zero likelihood Trump will make it to his inauguration – assassination is guaranteed. I have yet to work out if that will mean a new election, or if the Republican party will merely select a new nominee to swear in.

    More importantly, I have to go into the kitchen and make more fudge. The kidlets found it while I was at the doctor’s. I came home to an empty fudge pan and many compliments. Compliments are good, but, you know, lazy.

  315. Hehehe. I’VE seen her since then! I forgot all about the book chook. Clever Catty for remembering xo

    However, I have no idea why you did not hide the fudge in the vege crisper. Wasn’t it you who taught me that trick?

  316. It can only hide in the lettuce leaves once it’s cut up. This fudge was still in the pan and sitting on the stove to cool. It’s my own fault. They know I only use that pan for fudge and brownies, so whenever they see it they start looking for noms. Admittedly, I do to. I guess you could say it’s a Pavlov pan.

  317. the bells, the bells!

    Well, there’s not enough fudge in the world to help me cope with the Us election result. Holy hole in a donut, Batman!

  318. I know. We sat there drinking mojitos in the darkness while it hailed, as that news came in. It was just like the four horsemen of the apocalypse had come over the ridge blowing their bugles & waving their KKK flags.
    Oh well.
    I studied politics at JCU with Henry Reynolds, and I take comfort from one of the few things I remember from his lectures – politics are by nature reactionary & the people will invariably get bored, toss out whoever is in power even if they’re doing a good job, and switch sides to let the other pack of geese have a go at screwing it all up.
    And as one of my fellow SUP enthusiasts said this morning, ‘It’s the men in the shadows that run the USA anyway.’
    They’ve got their clown out front of the show to take the fall for whatever horrors they’ve got brewing & they’ll be the ones to take him down the moment he gets too big for his britches & thinks he’s more than a figurehead.
    I don’t think it’ll be an assassination, though.
    I think we’ll see Trump’s twitter account going viral with ‘I swear on my honour as a gennelman, I did not have sexual relationsions with that 13yro child. She told me she was 12, the lying little slut.’

  319. Yes, surely it has to be a sex scandal. Although even my vivid writer’s imagination shrinks from picturing the downfall assignation.

  320. Remember when Reagan got shot?
    I’m sure the CIA set that one up, and it was a warning shot for him getting too big for his boots & thinking he really was more than a figurehead.
    They’re just immensely pissed off because they had Obama for the last 4 years and they tend not to like it when there’s someone with a brain and a conscience in the big chair at the White House.

  321. Oh it will be a sad day for us all when Obama leaves his keys on the hall table.

  322. Won’t it, though.
    Did you see the voting stats?
    49% of the population didn’t vote. And the rest of the vote was almost evenly divided. As twitter said, this is the ultimate judgment on people getting the government that they deserve.

  323. Huh. I refuse to believe that I have ever in my life done anything bad enough to deserve a Turnbull government.

  324. Same. I know I’ve been naughty but none of us deserve the Libs.

    That’s so sad, though, Q. If another 5% had voted … correctly … we might all be doing the happy dance now.

  325. I’m going out on a limb here…. I wouldn’t be doing the happy dance. I thought the other candidate was equally as woeful. Possibly more so. That woman has been on my Loathe List ever since she referred to the death of 2000+ innocent Syrian civilians (mostly women and children) at the hands of American soldiers as ‘Collateral Damage’. That was cold and heartless beyond anything else she has done. Yes, I know that when a Secretary of State sends armed troops into someone else’s country it’s already implied they don’t give a rats arse who dies, but at least other politicians have the grace to say they feel bad about civilian casualties.

    Why they couldn’t have just handed the Whitehouse keys to Bernie Sanders is beyond me.

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