Shrink, I want to kill

5 July, 2018 - 49 Responses


So this is it, then.  My golden first-born son, my funny, clever boy who’s been my best mate since he was born is off to Canberra to become a highly-trained killing machine in charge of a pack of other highly-trained killing machines.

I know it is a terrific opportunity that should set him up for life. I just get a bit teary wondering if the gentle parts of him – his magic with little children,  compassion for the elderly, love of animals – will survive the Army.


1 April, 2018 - 288 Responses

Happy Easter!


Wishing you all much chocolate and serenity. And no creepy bunnies.

Goth Gnome

29 January, 2018 - 250 Responses


Ok, even I’m sick of scrolling the comments on the last thread now. Nothing to see here, just a Goth gnome I made for Gogantor’s GF.


27 August, 2017 - 944 Responses

Scene: Me, baconing.

Enter the local One Nation candidate.  We’ll call him Steve, because that is his name.

Steve: “Have you got any wholemeal rolls?”

Me: “Only white.  Isn’t that the way you like it?”

I’m not going to crack jokes any more.  I’ll never be funnier than that.  Steve went whiter than the rolls, I wish you could have been there.


Melbourne Countdown

24 May, 2017 - 741 Responses

Cold KittyCat,jpg

By the CERN-level accuracy of my calculations, I think there’s only one month until I join some of you in glorious Melbourne.   Since my own preparations tend to be last minute and slapdash at best, help me work out what the heck I’m doing and what the heck I have to take.

Oh, and will the Spiegeltent still be there?

Drag Bingo

7 April, 2017 - 347 Responses


A fabulous evening with the captivating Miss Melony Breasts and the talented Miss Sal Monella.  It was the Bison Bar – the same venue as the Datson + Hughes single launch.  And I won the final call, and was presented with the coveted Bingo Scrubber award, so now I can die happy.



20 March, 2017 - 135 Responses


Too much scrolling through the previous comments, so check this out.  It filled the gallery.  To get an idea of scale, I could walk under the second loop easily.


5 February, 2017 - 405 Responses


The always lovely Ildi and I met at GOMA yesterday and spent the next 4 hours marvelling at GOMA’s 10th birthday party.  The installation by an Icelandic(of course) artist who has a name like something complicated from IKEA but fortunately for Anglophones goes by “shoplifter” had to be stroked to be believed, and there was an installation in a dark gallery made simply of lighting and a smoke machine that played with your mind – in a good way.  We agreed that every cent of our tax dollars that it costs is well worth while. Do yourself a favour.




Thank Smurf We are Still Standing

20 January, 2017 - 161 Responses


It had already been a hectic and strange – even for us – day in the Cabana of Chaos.  Gigantor and I were chilling as Australia came in to bat against the Pakis, when he dragged me outside to look at “the amazing sunset”.

With vibrant orange illuminating puffs of cloud, it was no sunset.  The bush behind the houses on the street running along the end of ours was ablaze.  I checked the police feeds and sure enough, a fire that started west of the Sunshine Motorway earlier in the afternoon had jumped the road and was heading for us.

When I saw a map on Facebook that included us in an advised evacuation zone, I had to stare at it for a few minutes until the streets that I had driven and dog-walked resolved into any sense.

Gigantor has obviously watched enough American Preppers because he had his bike – and school supplies, bless – in the car while I was still wandering in circles trying to find the cat carrier (still on loan to a friend).  In that time the wind dropped, the apocalyptic glow had moved north-west of us and we decided to stay put.

I’d like to thank the crews, and relief crews, of firies that battled all night to defend us.  Most of those blokes – and sheilas, if applicable – are volunteers, who, as Gigantor said, would have been having a beer or so watching the cricket until called to risk their health and lives so we could continue to enjoy ours.  I was given 3 copies of the Firies’ Calendar this Christmas and wasn’t sure what to do with the overflow.  Now I don’t think that was enough!  Thanks, fellas.  Nice work.


Advent of Doom

12 December, 2016 - 307 Responses


Less than two weeks until the Clan gathers in our formerly peaceful beach town.  The shopping’s been done, the seafood has been ordered, now the panicking can commence.

Krampus is coming, dear readers.  Pray for my soul, such as it is.